Agony and Rapture

Welcome to "Unrequited Love: Agony and Rapture", your guide to suffering through an intense unrequited crush, whether it is still a secret from your Adored One, or already revealed. This largely-sarcastic catharsis was inspired by my own many wanderings through the halls of misery (the 2001 installment in particular) and by "I Just Want To Be Friends", Joe "Logon" Loong's classic WWW tribute to supposedly-platonic friendships.

I created this site mostly for myself, as a way of taking command of my emotions again after being sent through the wringer, but I have three objectives as far as what I hope the site can do for other netizens:

First, "Agony and Rapture" is supposed to be funny. Those suffering through crushes are often in desperate need of a good chuckle. Laughing at oneself is healthy, and poking fun at this subject can give we who suffer some perspective on what we're doing to ourselves and, sometimes, to the ones we care about. Second, this site is a giant, rancid heap of pain and empathy. Everyone goes through this from time to time. By reading the anecdotes and tips here you can at once wallow in your own misery and also be comforted by a sense of communal misery. And third, I want to give the Adored Ones a window into the hearts of those that care about them. Communication and understanding form a positive-feedback loop, but it can be very difficult to get the ball rolling. Hopefully this site can teach people how to deal with being fancied in a productive way.

Although I want the site to be entertaining, I've written very little which I do not actually mean. Some sections are almost entirely sarcastic while still being in many ways true, actual advice. Other sections are low on jokes and are offered in hopes of actually helping readers find perspective. And some of my comments are complete nonsense. It all comes and goes depending on my feelings on the sub-topic and my level of inspiration. I don't delineate the site with <facetious> tags, so you'll have to trust your own instincts on what my goal is with any given statement.

With that all said, here's a look at what the site has to offer. Each section contains a collection of short items, humerous and otherwise, that have been written by me, the webmaster, or submitted by friends or random visitors to the site. Eventually, I'd like to include anecdotes from both sides of the issue (that is, the adored and the adorers) in order to make the site more useful.

• Spending time and talking with your beloved is sometimes complicated by the requirement that you memorize every word they say while simultaneously scanning their body language for any indication that they have secretly fallen in love with you. Make sure you're not doing anything wrong by checking these tips for communication.
• Unfortunately, you can't spend every waking moment with your Adored One. That's where fantasies and daydreams come in. There is simply no better way to agonize over what you want but will never have. In this section you'll find a list of prototypical daydreams as well as some specific examples to get you started.
• Don't limit yourself to daydreaming, though! There are hundreds of other things you can think about or do that will make your head hurt and your stomach shudder. Look over these other ways to torture yourself and see what you've been missing!
• Chances are that if your crush lasts long enough, your Adored One will figure out that you're interested. Maybe you'll tell them, maybe somebody will tip them off, or maybe you'll just become so incredibly transparent that they'd have to be braindead not to notice. (The last one's the way it usually goes for me.) Prepare yourself for the inevitable; there are a number of ways they may react.
• Unless you manage to get into a relationship with the object of your affections and end up married, you're going to have to eventually get over them. If the confrontation above is the climax of our story, then next we have the dénouement in which the conflict is resolved -- one way or another -- and we figure out what the world will be like in the aftermath.
• Here's a special section written specifically for the Adored Ones: A friend has developed a crush on you? Feeling weird around them? Wondering what to do? Here are some things you might want to consider to help you grind the poor thing's heart into the dirt with your heel.
• Love is perhaps the world's most prolific muse. If you're out there suffering through an unrequited devotion, you may find some solace in artistic explorations of the topic. With that in mind, I've put together a list of relevant media. Basically it amounts to a list of sappy movies and love songs. What are you waiting for?
• I get a lot of emails about this site, most of them being story submissions. You guys really like to relive your pain by writing about it! So, here is what will soon be the largest section of the site -- but also the one with the least organization -- painful stories submitted by readers for all the world to share.
• This site is presented mostly in jest, but I do have a serious note that I feel should be addressed.
• Also, I've noticed that some of the people who read this site just don't seem to get what I'm trying to accomplish, or end up with some misconceptions about me and my motives for writing the site in the first place. If you're wondering what the deal is with this place, try this section.
• I would love to have this site continue improve and grow through more submissions of material from readers. If you have an anecdote or joke to share, please do so! You will be credited (or left anonymous if you prefer), of course.
• Looking for more punishment? Here's a collection of links on the topics of love, lonliness, and the like.

If you prefer, you can read this site in German thanks to Patrick Woitala.

Want to see what else I have on the web? Head over to Steve-o's World.

This page hand-coded by Steve-o Stonebraker (sstoneb@gmail.com) in HTML and PHP.
Last modified on 2007-June-19.