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I honestly know I've been a "victim" (?) of unrequited love on several occassions. It started when I was a kid, when I looked across the music room in grade 6 and realized that Andrew had the bluest eyes I'd ever seen...and then he moved away. And when I got jealous when Josh, whom I'd known since kindergarten, picked Samantha to be his first girlfriend instead of me (also in grade 6). Then I moved away. But, alas. These are tales of old, and were more than likely cases of "like"/infatuation, not love.
Then I met a guy in of all places, Yahoo Personals. I had had to put up the ad as the result of losing a dare. I was a 21-year-old newly minted nurse, AND a virgin, so doing this really wasn't my thing. He was 26, a geophysicist for an oil company. We talked and flirted online for 3 months. Then we met in a parking garage of the hospital I worked in. We talked and listened to cds, and eventually made out in his rented Malibu. He was in town the entire weekend, so everyday we met in the parking garage. He'd visit 4 days a month usually. Eventually on one of his visits we went to his hotel room and made love. He wanted me to move, to come live in his city, but I was under a contract with a hospital to work for a year, and my contract had 4 months left on it. We often talked of getting married, and having children; he eventually got very impatient with my wanting to move slowly, cheated on me, and broke up with me, in that order all in the same day. The day I found out, I was going to work but instead I walked over to the parking garage and sat on the cement and cried. He said if I got in medical school in his city, then we could live together. I even applied to a medical school in his city. We still corressponded via email. I often mentioned to him that I still loved him. He said he wanted to send me a copy of "Frida" on DVD; he loved that movie. I sent him a CD I'd made for him. Then like a month ago he told me that he had "grown up" and he realized he had only been "pursuing an image" but I would always hold a special place in his heart. We still correspond via email and the occassional phone call, but only as he puts it "very good friends". But everytime I reply I'm crying inside because I love him so much. What's worse is I'm sure he's with someone else now, which makes me feel like I'm being kicked in the face. What's even worse is that I know a guy in medical school right now who's a great guy and friend and is interested in me, very intelligent and attractive....but I can't get over the guy that ripped my heart out and ate it for breakfast.
If you decide to post this, please don't use my name or email address. No one else knows about this except him and me, and it's all very humiliating for me now. Especially since I still love him. I'd like to keep it anonymous. Thanks for listening.
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